The split-second

1. All growth is a leap in the dark [1]

I had left the soft sand for the cliffs. I suppose there is something about men and high ground. Goa, June of 2024.

I stood near the edge, wind tugging at my clothes as the waves crashed below. From here, the world opened up - an uninterrupted horizon, the crescent beach to the right, and dark cliffs trailing off to the left.

Maximum visibility.

Almost perfect - if not for one skinny tree. This vegetation had sprung out from the mud in the gulley between my rock and the edge boulder, its branches thrusting into view, messing up the calm - like sitting down at a restaurant to find the last person's crumbs still on the table. Only past this intruder, was the ideal vantage point.

A jump was brewing.

The big round faces of the rocks, five or six feet apart, made the gap. Landing in the gulley would have been terrible – I could tumble down about 30 meters. The space offered no run-up.

And there was the ultimate risk of shame, of becoming a laughing stock. An epic view after an epic jump, or an epic trip to the hospital?

The gap was jumpable.

My split second moment arrived where I had to choose courage.

-

I remember this day well because I never attempted the jump. My confident version would have leapt it, lapped it and laughed.

***

2. Akāliko

Akāliko is a Pali word meaning timeless, immediate, or unconditioned by time.

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I had come across a podcast discussing the split second - a tiny moment within a moment, where we know that what we are about to do isn’t loving, isn’t nourishing, yet we do it anyways [2].

We are all familiar with these moments.

To be clear, this isn’t a conversation about instant vs delayed gratification

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These split second moments come by a few times a day, in our decisions about food, habits, work, and relationships. The essence is always the same: a single choice placed before us - between courage and cowardice, between virtue and vice, between doing what we set out to do and shying away, between winning and losing.

Too often, we choose poorly.

And without delay, in my case, a negative wave sweeps the body. A knot tightens in my gut. And if I am being honest, it rarely dissolves.

Double jeopardy, always and every time - a failed external action and an internal swell of shame.

No one may notice but the first person I have harmed is myself.

Then there are those other split seconds - the ones I wish happened more often - when I choose to be courageous, choose virtue, choose to win.

A wave follows just as quickly - of joy. I feel relieved because I saw a glimpse of what I’m made of. A soft untangling ensues.

And I must come to understand - without needing anyone to confirm it - that the first person healed is myself.

I suspect these good vibes live forever too. Just recall a moment of bravery, of action from the past, and they still uplift me.

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Dear reader, let’s wish for each other - to win more of these split-second moments. Their rewards, subtle as they may be, are timeless, immediate, and unconditioned by time.

***

3. The Jiu-jitsu split second

Scene 1

I knew what he was thinking.

Last time, I caught my coach flush with a sasae tsurikomi ashi, sending him sailing over the tatami. I had felt his stocky frame go weightless.

But now, our grips tied up just as before, I knew he’d be waiting. No chance I’ll get the same foot trip twice.

I used the same circular pull but held back the block at the ankle. As our legs repositioned, I turned my chest the opposite way, stepped in and hit the osoto gari for a takedown.

It all happened in a split second: I recognised the problem, saw the solution, made the decision - and the body executed before the chance was gone.

-

To be sure, my coach still wipes the floor with me at will. But in four years of jiu-jitsu, this split second decision stands out for me.

Scene 2

Winning was one move away. The gym’s blue-belt title was there for whoever scored first.

My lungs burned. My arms were spent. My vision blurred. I was startled by how loud my own breath was. Some hand-fighting later, my split second moment came.

I saw the winning sequence. I felt it. All I needed to do was squeeze the trigger. But I was shy, and the moment passed. In the dying seconds of the round my opponent scored.

Not skills, not stamina, not fear, I lost the match to inaction.

***

4. What is the split-second moment?

Time slows down. The split second moment isn’t a blur, but a moment of clarity. The noise falls silent. You see the path clearly. But the favourable result isn’t free – it's a fight, playing out inside your mind.

The moment isn't one of helplessness. It’s the opposite – you have full control of the outcome. It is as if the world pauses to ask for your permission.

You hesitate, you lose. But I have realised that only good lies ahead if you act boldly.

*****

Notes

[1] Originally quoted by Henry Miller, I read Ryan Holiday’s version in the book ‘Courage is calling.'

[2] Youtube video titled ‘Weight Loss Expert: Losing Weight Is a Spiritual Process (Disguised as Fitness),’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chHeOFby-AA